Wednesday, March 11, 2009

I often wonder, when I look back on this time in my life what am I going to think.  Most likely there will be thoughts of I should have worried less and enjoyed things more, but who knows what other insights will strike me.

Often times I look back on a few years ago, the days when I just began college.  The concept in many respects seems lighthearted and easy: four years of planned higher education, plenty of friends my age, and the endless college joys such as eating a huge burrito or running five miles at midnight (ok, random).  I'll be honest though, it really wasn't the easiest time.  There were many days when I felt homesick and lonely and wasn't even really aware of it myself, there were papers that seemed pointless to write, embarrassing moments that were relentless not to vanish, and many weekends spent car-less and stranded at school.  But there was joy from the difficulty.  The homesickness taught me to reach out and make life lasting friends, the awful papers developed in me perseverance, the embarrassing moments showed me that I shouldn't take myself so seriously, and the car-less weekends made for some of the most memorable moments I had in college (climbing the fountain, taking hordes of butter from "Common Grounds," making up weird dances in the dorm room, ironing at 2 a.m. ....)

Looking back on those years I don't have a spirit of "man, I wish I would have done things differently," even though I am fully aware there were many improvements that could have been made.  Still, I see in the hard times so much growth and good that came through; there were memories created that were so special and unique to that time in my life.  Maybe, hopefully, it's like that now.  I'll look back, ever so tenderly remembering the struggles, but rather than harboring a spirit of dissatisfaction, smiling at the joy and experiences that were borne from such a time.

They say hindsight is 20/20, and I'll admit -- it's true.  I can look back and immediately pick out a list of at least twenty things I could have improved on to make that time in my life meet my idea of "more enjoyable," but really, the memories are good the way they are.  It's funny how in our struggles or amidst the standard trials of life we fail to see the direct correlation of uniqueness, joy, and wisdom that often times comes with them.  Life can be hard, and we don't easily forget that, but there's so much good, and those memories have a way of always being remembered.

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