I just finished doing what my Educational Psychology book would refer to as, self regulating. I wrote a list that covered everything I need to accomplish between now and Friday, bullet pointing everything short of this blog. Though I have to admit, accomplishing my list is pretty refreshing. While the completing the list feels Merry and bright, the tasks in themselves are quite the opposite. Personally, I would prefer a list that read:

-Go buy the Steve Madden boots you cannot afford
-Eat lot's of holiday treats!
-Lay around as much as possible
-Buy a plane ticket to Korea (even if it's 2,500 dollars)
-Take a bubble bath

... Well, you get the point. But (aside from buying the boots ... and maybe Korea ... OK, and the bubble bath) the list would not lead to a very fulfilling life. So, I remain a slave to my current master of discipline: the list.

I don't want to feel dread about the week, or section it off in cookie-cutter days, I want to enjoy the here and now, especially this Christmas season. It's just that this week is especially difficult. Mainly because Eric is on a business trip and I miss his company terribly when he's gone. I used to be (pre-boyfriend days) good at being alone, but once you've experienced the wonder of being with that special someone, it is hard to go back. Normally, this would be a good way to feel, but not this week.

I suppose I can look at the bright side (as opposed to the what, the dark side?) I have a place to live, a room to decorate, and in a week I'll be singing "Fa-la-la-la-la" as Christmas will only be a few days away! I don't care if it's silly, even at 22 I am giddy about Christmas.

So, here's to a week of (fun) lists!

Until tomorrow --

Sail away, sail away, sail away ...

So in the last twenty-four hours I have constructed the brilliant idea of going to Korea (or Thailand) in two weeks. You might be wondering how this came about?

It all started a couple weeks ago when I found out I got the last week in December off -- not just off, but paid and off. It's something Mariner's Church does for its employees. I also found out that I was out of school that whole week. The wheels in my head began to turn: Who can I visit? Where? How? But I talked myself out of my silly notions and concluded that I would use that time to study for the CSET.

Of course, this all changed yesterday when I found out I had the Sunday prior to that week off. Something that only happens three times a year. This, of course, led me to the belief that I had to go somewhere. It is my duty; I owe it to myself ... to my youth, to my unmarried life. And since three of my friends are in Korea -- Wallah!

After finding a flight for 600 dollars I was making travel arrangements in my head. Hopes were thwarted when I found out two of my friends were going to be in Thailand that week, but this was quickly remedied upon the new realization that I could go to Thailand. Ocean, jungle, beaches: better. But let me tell you, this excitement died a pitiful death, as both Wholesale Flights and ASAP Flights told me that the cost was really about 2, 000 for the dates I wanted. I still am confused why they so terribly misrepresented themselves. I guess Christmas is popular when it comes to trips to Southeast Asia. Go figure.

What's a girl to do? The world at my fingertips, adventure in my soul (or in this case, Seoul), and no where to go?

Until tomorrow --

I am so tired I can hardly function, but I made a silly promise to myself to blog every day or so, and while I could break the promise, seeing that the only person I'd be letting down is myself, or I could just skip a day, at this point in the game -- one day after I said I'd blog daily -- it would be bad form.

My thoughts tonight are on sleep. Why does not enough sleep make it hard to think? It also makes me grumpy. And restless. I really should get enough sleep.

I don't sleep well, though, I really don't. I toss and I turn for nearly an hour before I fall asleep and I wake up with the roosters. 8 a.m. is a serious sleep-in day for me. Oh, boy! What does this mean? I can see it now, 60-years-old and awake at 4:30 every day. But getting up early can keep a person young. It is a discipline, for one. It shows, or at least assumes, some sort of enthusiasm and zeal for life. And, it's pretty in-tune with society, seeing that businesses generally wake-up early, and successful adults don't usually lollygag in bed.

But, I'm done thinking about sleep. I'm ready to actually partake in it.

Hopefully my post tomorrow will be more thrilling than mumbles on sleep. But I cannot make any guarantees.

Until tomorrow --

I have decided to blog everyday. Yes, this goal sounds lofty, considering my last post was in October and it is now December, but I have very good intentions. While the challenge to myself is to blog daily, if I miss a day I won't really mind (but if I miss two ...), and if I'm on vacation then I am off the hook. Aside from that, here's to starting off the new year early with daily blogging!

Post I

I love to grocery shop. I know I've mentioned it before, but it really does get me that excited. I'm sitting here, in a home that is icy cold, drinking hot chocolate with a snuggly blanket and feeling excitement that I get to grocery shop. Grocery shopping is a very big deal for me. First, I allot a budget for myself to spend at the store, then I think through meals, ingredients I will need, sometimes I even make lists that I rarely use. When I'm there I almost always try to fit flowers into my budget (probably not the best habit), and I find myself excited by things like berry flavored sparkling water for 99 cents or food samples that leave a fragrance to, or not, be desired (depending on the sample that day). The other day I got enough cilantro to open my own Mexican restruant for 50 cents, naturally, this was exciting. I've had better cilantro, though ...

Either way, today is grocery day! (Don't worry, I don't shop on the exact same day every week). Now, if only I didn't have a ton of reading for my 1:30 class and two hours of work to fit in. That's the problem with grocery day, there's rarely time.

Because I'm always looking for good recipes, let me know if you have any!

Until tomorrow --

There's really nothing like something hot to drink. When I wake up, no matter the weather, a hot drink sounds appealing. At night, when the sun has set and the house is quieting down, that same idea comes into my mind. The only problem is: caffeine.

Coffee makes me so jittery that I can feel my heart almost bursting through my chest. On the outside I'll smile at coworkers, friends, really whoever I'm around, pretending I'm not effected, but they know it. They can tell. My eyes get bigger, and at least one leg has to move up and down, I sigh a lot, because caffeine sets anxiety in which makes it hard to breathe. Then there's the talking, when I have caffeine I can't stop. Anyone who knows me well knows that these times are scary ... or annoying. Yet time after time, I always consider coffee in the morning.

You are probably wondering: has she tried decaf? I have, yes, don't worry. But it has the same effect, though fortunately a much lesser degree of it. And while I only try to drink decaf coffee, and only decaf coffee on super early mornings or special occasions, I still can feel that it probably isn't the best tonic to start my day.

I do much better with tea. Not all tea, mind you. The black teas, though they are probably the favorite, have a similar effect (perhaps slightly better, depending upon how European the blend is). But what am I to do, drink herbal tea every single morning? I mean, herbal blends are prefect for nighttime but the morning too? It's a thought. Right now I'm drinking French Vanilla tea, and so far I feel a jolt, but nothing to write home about.

So here's to drinking to my idea of glorious mornings and cozy hot drinks! Even if in reality it makes me revved up like one of those power boats that has their engine shinning for the whole world to see, I still find the thought of it -- and of course the process of drinking it -- more than enjoyable.

Well, three weeks into school, five weeks into work, and I'm already hyperventilating. When I get stressed, which unfortunately has always been something that I'm prone to, I have a hard time catching my breath. No, there are no ridiculous small paper bags involved, though to be honest, one might help. Just deep labored breaths that turn out to be shallow sips of air. I get these weird knots in my neck; weird because they are so hard that I would almost bet it's new bone growth, and I start feeling overwhelmed by even the smallest of things like, "what am I going to have for dinner." It's interesting because I like to be busy, anyone who knows me well, would probably say I thrive off of some level of busy. But, like anyone, I fizzle when I've reached my limit. One thing's for sure: I am definitely being stretched. Here are somethings I've learned about myself recently:

- I can handle a full plate, but not a stuffed plate (there is a difference).
- I need time to be alone and think during the day.
- If I go weeks without exercising I become significantly moody.
- There's an ugly element that comes with school, almost a selfish entitlement of "I need to do this now," and it can quickly make a person neglect relationships.
- Even if you have a lot to do, it's ok to do nothing, actually, sometimes it's the best thing.
- I really like school, and I really like being busy (note, I said "busy," not "swamped").
- God's in control (I've known this, but it's amazing how often I seem to forget it).

There's no place like living out of your suitcase ?

Lately I have been busy -- not just busy -- zapped. I went from a nothing that was such a lack of something that you could reread this sentence five -- ten -- twenty -- who cares! -- times and not feel guilty because you have all the time in the world on your hands. But now, it's quite the opposite. The fact that I'm even writing this blog feels decadent. If time were a meal, this would definitely be in the dessert category (see my jokes are even getting weirder).

I like being busy -- I do -- perhaps, in many ways, I love being busy. And I went into this Fall with a "Carpe Diem" attitude, however, like I said, I'm zapped. How quickly I forgot the time it takes to do school. The labor one puts into a paper, the agony one using when scrutinizing over the syllubus, it can be all consuming. Then starting my new job (which is a HUGE blessing) is still time consuming, even if it's a good thing. But both those things have not been my real challenge. My real challenge rests in the fact that I have been living out of a suitcase -- this lifestyle can quickly make a person "zapped." Actually, I am quite astonished I have fought it out this long.

While I am forever thankful for the families that have let me stay with them, and know in many ways I'll look back with fondness (?) on this vagabound -esk living situation, I want a home. I want a place where I can put my groceries and clothes, I want to light scented candels, and complain about how "I really need to clean the floors or dust the cabnets." I want my nest, that's safe, and warm, and well-earned. Even if it takes over half my paycheck to live there, I have decided that a woman needs some place to, as Eric's mom says, "hang her hat." Though I don't have a hat, I have shoes, and I would like a place for them.

I know God will provide, and like I said, I'm thankful I've been able to save money, and blown away by the generousity of others who have reached out to me. But I think I'm ready to "go home." :)