Ten Helpful Tips To Know Prior To Visiting The Hartwig Household:

1.) If you want coffee it is imperative that you order it the night before and consume it prior to 10 a.m.  If you do not request the coffee my father, master of the coffee, will not make enough for you as he only makes the exact amount needed.  However, if you do request coffee yet do not drink it by the self-made expiration time of 10 a.m, Dad will assume you no longer have interest in the coffee and it will be thrown out in a tidy manner.

2.) Bring pajama's.  Yes, when you spend the night anywhere pajamas are assumed to be required (though airports, train stations, and bus deport night visits don't give people the luxury to wear pajamas).  Here at the Hartwig house, the necessity of pajamas ranks at a higher level.  How do I put it bluntly -- my family (girls in particular, a.k.a. Mother and I) love cozy sweats.  In order to not feel left out, upon visiting expect to put on your sweats directly after dinner and not need to take them off until you shower the following day.

3.) Bring a book.  There's not a whole lot to do in Kelseyville, so unless you are like my mother and like reality TV and vigorous cleaning on your days off, you may want a book.

4.) Be prepared for early dinners.  Mom likes to clean the kitchen well in advance to bed, Dad has to go to bed extra early for work at 4 a.m., henceforth dinner is the "early bird special."

5.) If you want to use the spa my dad or mom will need to be informed at least a day -- maybe two -- in advance.  The little pool of relaxation not only takes a good amount of time to heat up, it is often times drained for practical purposes of water conservation and tidiness when not in use.

6.) Be able to tolerate a cat and dog.  This sounds simple, but you have not met Casey and Trixy.  (Yes, I named both pets).  Casey is old, overweight, perpetually smelly, and slow; she will keep seeking ways to escape from her bed no matter how many times she's continually shot down, and those escapes will usually be to get as close to human contact as possible.  Trixy, though runs from guests, sheds cat hair like it's a full time job.

7.) Like cheese.  Charissa made this observation when visiting my house at Thanksgiving.  Apparently we are a family that likes cheese.

8.) Be willing to watch pretty wholesome films, none of that sketchy stuff.  For reasons no one knows, my mom especially has a love for racial comedies.  Old movies, strong moral enforcing stories, animal movies, and any C-Class film that contains all the above, my parents eat right up.  As for me, not so much the animal/C-Class film lover.  

9.) Liking tea in fancy teacups is always a plus among my mom, grandma, and I.

10.) Expect frequent visits to the grandparents.  Living right down the street, they insist upon meeting most of the Hartwig's guests.