~Sometimes it all feels like too much. When I say too much you must know what I’m saying. It’s just something bad happens, and as time passes, something, yes something, heals the pain. For a Christian it’s God, for an atheist perhaps a dose of existentialism, and for someone who surfs the plains on a less deep level it is the sweet satisfaction that comes from what they do have, because what lies beyond that is none of their concern at that time, and if in fact it is God they do believe we encounter when one exceeds this life, then they do not associate him with the negative happenstance, but rather, the reality of the blessings that were fulfilled, and an icon of the future. Regardless, we all deal. Though what happens is that one moment you are fine, but then seconds later you remember how when your grandma was alive she would bake you cookies that smelt like the bakery you just by chance found yourself in that random day, or, late at night you may stare out the window off into the starry abyss and be strongly reminded of the passions you’ve now dismissed, the dreams that have vanished. And with one word his eyes or her smile may flash into your mind, and your heart aches with the bitter pain of what was and what no longer is. It is moments such as these that I do not shake off the pain, but rather embrace it. One might find this contrary to the existence of a happy life, but I find it necessary. You have two choices, to face the pain, yet truly feel. Or to dismiss the pain, but live on the outside. I neglect the latter, for fear of never truly living, and loosing the passion in not ever really letting go of something that matters to you. Or perhaps, for faith, a faith that requires no fear in emotion, a faith that requires the most painful honesty with oneself.~