It's Monday again and I find myself looking ahead at the week wondering how it looks so short. It seems as if week after week flies by, and while I'd much prefer a breezy flight than a painful lag, sometimes it feels too fast.

This month I'll be starting school in what might be considered 17th grade. While I don't start for another three and a half weeks, I'm already getting the "back to school jitters," which I literally have gotten every year of my academic life. It's sort of silly to get the jitters, seeing that most of my education will be done in a distance program, but meeting new professors, having them assess my work, and student teaching all seem scary -- exciting -- but scary. For those of you who don't know, the program I'm doing is an accelerated Master's degree at USC. By the beginning of January 2011 I should have a Master's in Teaching with a single subject credential in English. What's cool about this program is it has an emphasis on urban education and closing the "achievement gap," something that I feel passionate about.

I'm glad that I finally have a clearer direction, though there are still lot's of little pieces floating around. Like finding a solid part-time job and the living situation. I think If I've learned anything in the past six months it's that life tends to be lived with lot's of little pieces floating around. In college the pieces were set in place for four years, than growing up, your parents seem to fix them in a stable state for you, but maybe, in a way, the pieces have always been sort of loose. It's just that now I'm responsible for them, I'm fully in charge, that's what's so new. True, a job and a house are essential, at least I have a place to live now and a little babysitting income. Something, after all, is better than nothing,

Lately I have been babysitting a good amount. At first it felt a little weird, seeing that I never babysat while in college, but with the current economy and all, babysitting suddenly seems a lucky profession because it pays (not to mention the cute kids). Although, upon my new venture in the business I've had some thoughts:

Why is it easier to get a babysitting job them pretty much any other occupation? Why, in the field of childcare, is the pay alarmingly low (say below minimum wage, not to name any names)? Both these questions become haunting if the statement, "my kids are the most important thing to me is true." Take scenario 1:

"Hi, I'm Debbie, Lisa, Carrie's mom, said that you babysat once for her old neighbor Tommy, can you babysit for my kid?" Now to work at Cosco you have to go through an application process that makes you think you're joining a Fortune 500 company, but uh-ah, not to babysit. Ok, so sure there are the sitters who do require documents, but not in the through the grapevine knits. My concern is, when I'm a mom, I'll probably be the same way, but isn't it a little odd, seeing that your kids are your highest valuables?

Then the pay, personally, I think the pay should be astronomically high. Afterall, watching your prized children should never be seen as a small or insignificant task. There should be overtime, sick pay, insurance ... so maybe I'm going a little far. But seriously, don't you think of all professions this one should be among the upper echlons of serious?

But that's just me. Maybe I'm bias.

Do you ever feel lonely in your world? Caught in the prospects of "what could be's" and "what should have been's," lonely in "now." I mean, what is "now" anyway?

The way I see it:

Now is the phone call that you can't put off another day ... the load of laundry that is three days waiting ... the dishes that aren't doing themselves ... the thank you note that just has to be sent ...

But now is also, the love of those close to you that will never be the same as it is in this very season ... a relationship with God that pours grace upon your mistakes each day ...

Now, is so many of the "I wish I had's" or "please God's" that you've been hoping and praying for much of your life ...

Hope for tomorrow, by all means; rejoice and mourn in the yesterday's, for that has a time too; but "NOW" (and I'm not referring to the embarrassing "Now" CD epidemic); Now is the time to live.

The Greek Philosopher, Epicurious says, "Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."

The last couple of weeks have been trying ones, but it's hard to complain when there's so much good in my life. I came down with a pretty bad head cold, which I didn't even know could happen it July, then had some mysterious health problems which no doctor could really figure out, and got stung by a bee, which turns out I'm pretty allergic to, which means I've been laid up in bed all day today with an icepack on my foot watching "Boy Meets World" reruns. Then there's been my being out of work all summer, which has had it's perks, but I would definitely rather have a job. On top of it all, there's the fact that my lease it up in two weeks, and, I decided to apply to USC's Master of Teaching/Credential program for the Fall, and any one who's applied to college's know, it's a job in itself. Of course, being a lover of structure, none of this has appealed to my personality, which has been a challenge. Honestly -- I'm exhausted.

But as I first mentioned, there's so much good. I have had time this summer to decide what it is I really want to do, time to think and relax, and all this mayhem in my life has taught me patience. I have good people in my life, good opportunities, and I can feel God working now, more than I had in past months. With all that said, I really hope a little more structure is near, and that my patience can calmly wait out where I need to be.

So, if you want to know what I'm going to be up to ... we'll see! (but on a side note: your prayers would be good too!)