You've probably heard it time and again, "think before you speak." It's not that novel, I mean, obviously you're going to think before words exit your mouth -- it's physiologically necessary. But obviously that's not what it really means.

I've never been an angry person, I mean, common, I certainly don't have the physical means to be angry, and personality-wise I am afraid to be vulnerable or "off the handle" enough with most people to even show a hint of anger. It's not that I bottle things inside if I'm upset, I confront them, even if it's with dragging feet, but for the most part, I think I'm easy going with most people. I recently realized something, though: sometimes I feel downright angry. Now, anger in itself isn't bad, I mean, it's good to recognize when something is unjust or manipulative and to keep your boundaries, protecting yourself. Yet what about anger in everyday conversations? What about anger -- that realness of negative emotion, shown to the people you're closest to. I mean most people don't get angry at their grocer, or the guy down the street. And on a deeper level, most people don't even express anger to the general circle of their relatives or friends. But most people have been openly angry at their best friend, their spouse, parents, or someone significantly close in their life. Why is this? It's there because those relationships are real, they're important, and they're safe enough to be vulnerable and open. However, is anger really the right way?

As I had said before, unless someone does something unjust or manipulative to you, is anger the right way of expressing yourself? Probably not, actually, it can be the worst way. Yet it's not that simple. I mean, feeling as though injustice or manipulation or something boundary shattering is taking place is all a matter of perspective. Classic example (sort of classic): in Father of the Bride (Part I, if you'd like to know specifics), Annie's fiance, Brian, decides to get her a blender as a wedding gift. This gift, which to me would have been slightly dull, but extremely useful and appreciated, was a statement to her that screamed 1950's housewife. To her it was downright manipulative and a slight injustice, but honestly, to me she was overreacting. In all reality though, who cares what I think, that's how she felt, to her it was valid, and therefore she was angry. Because she was close enough to Brian she was able to express this frustration, instead of bottling her negative emotion inside, and in the end this made them stronger. Or, at the very least, they pulled through it in less than eight hours and then resumed to happy. In a sense, her frustration was good, because it demonstrated that their relationship was safe enough to share unhappiness, and in the end, it taught her that Brian was not trying to manipulate her, but he just wanted to give her a useful gift (for the milkshakes she likes). However, did she really have to throw such a fit ... call the wedding off, have to have her father intervene to patch things back up? No.

What I've learned about anger, which is hard to do when you feel as though injustice has befallen upon you, is to stop, think, and then speak. Sometimes the stopping or the thinking takes a little time, but it's neccessary because once you say the angry words, they're out, they hurt, and they can't be taken back (though you can appologize, of course). What I'm trying to come to peace with, is that it's ok -- normal -- to feel angry, but the true test is how you handle that feeling. The key is to ask yourself what the person is really saying, then ask yourself what's really bothering you. Often times you'll find you might not even be angry, or it might not even be about that person, but it could be another feeling, like stress or fear, overtaking the moment; because we all get frustrated, it's something worth asking yourself.